sarchasm

Origin:
sarcasm + chasm = sarchasm

Definition:
n. the yawning emotional and personal crevasse that suddenly opens between two people when one fails to understand the other's sarcasm.

Exemplum:
Walter's jest about "those tawny liberals" was not well received by the waitstaff, resulting in a sarchasm that swallowed up his drink service almost immediately.

Commentary:
Today's portmanteau begins a short series of neologisms that all involve sarcasm. It's a testy practice and a loaded word-- loaded with portmanteau potential, that is. So look forward to more in the coming days.

Now, on to "sarchasm." The true strength of this term is its poignancy. Sarcasm lovers such as myself have all experienced sarchasm in the face of a dense audience. It's dismal-- you're giving them gold; they're giving you death stares. But the high-risk-high-reward nature of sarcasm is what makes it great. You say the opposite of what you mean and rely on your audience to use contextual cues and their mores of good sense to interpret the humor. When it works, everyone loves you. When it fails, you're on the solitary side of the sarchasm.

The big weakness to this term is its homophonality to "sarcasm." Since these words are pronounced identically, using "sarchasm" in speech is likely to meet with more confusion than appreciation. In writing, "sarchasm" may be used to great effect, but in speech it is unwieldy.

While it's unfortunate that such a formidable portmanteau has limited use potential, it illustrates a vital point: some portmanteaux are too close to the original words. When it's too close to the component words, a portmanteau may be unidentifiable. Thus the best portmanteaux use the distinguishing parts (both visually and aurally) of multiple component words to create a new term that is both uniquely meaningful and intuitive.

Credit:
Timothy O'Connell (term and definition), Nate Winter (the rest)

staycation

Origin:
stay + vacation = staycation

Definition:
n. a period of time off from work that is spent at or near home, instead of spent traveling.

Exemplum:
Mr. and Mrs. Joe and Jo Six-Pack couldn't afford Labor Day in the Hamptons, so they took a staycation to their local casino instead.

Commentary:
The liberal media has made a big deal of its silly staycation idea. I thought everyman had seen through such thinly veiled anti-American nonsense and everyday folks were back to living off their trust fund interest. But I heard a mention of it again on the news, so apparently not. I watch Fox News everyday and yet I'm still out of touch. Oh, exasperation, you are the ficklest of goddesses!

If one must discuss the lamentable spare time of the hoi polloi, I vehemently prefer "holistay" to "staycation." At least the former hints at the timeless class of a formidable Briticism. Even in these difficult economic times, let's be civilized about things.

Today's term falls still within our current wave of oxymoronic portmanteaux. We all know that vacation means a relaxing whiskaway to St. Bart's, The Hamptons, Aspen or, if you're really strapped for class, Hilton Head. So the notion of staying home for your vacation is certain to itch at the old cranial follicles.

But such are the times, and thus today's term was brought to light. Because if Nate Winter isn't a man of the people, and Portmanteau of the Day isn't a service to the people, then it's all headed straight to Hades anyway.

Credit:
Anonymous (staycation), The Daily Show (holistay), Nate Winter (the rest)

Thrillmette

Origin:
thrill + Wilmette, Illinois = Thrillmette

Definition:
n. Wilmette, Illinois (used derogatorily or sarcastically)

Exemplum:
Taking her dog to the park, going to the gym and watching Flight of the Conchords reruns were often the highlights of Brooke's summer in Thrillmette.

Commentary:
A rousing tangent to the oxymoronic portmanteau is the place portmanteau, which on occasion combines a place name with a non-applicable word, as in Thrillmette. We're not meant to believe that sleepy little Wilmette is all that thrilling. Rather, the addition of such a strongly positive term like "thrill" reveals that addition as humor. Ha ha!

Although "thrill" is a common noun and needn't be capitalized in normal usage, we capitalize "Thrillmette" to reinforce this term as a city name, and by extension a proper noun.

"Thrill" is especially useful for these playful place names, as it rhymefully replaces the ubiquitous suffix "ville" to great comic effect. Other Chicagoland examples include Naperthrill, Warrenthrill and Elk Grove Thrillage, but the possibilities are nearly endless.

And "thrill" and "ville" represent but one opportunity for portmanteau place names. Chicagoland is also home to Elmhearse, Coke-brook, Lombored, Arlington Shites, Glen Smellyn, Palacrime and Hins-stale.

Request for Reader Participation
Please click below to post comments with your own place name portmanteaux.

Credit:
Brooke Randel (Thrillmette), Betsy Erickson (Naperthrill), Nate Winter (the rest)

Table of Discontents (News Update)

Dear fellow portmanteau enthusiasts.

As you may have already noticed, this post is not a new portmanteau. But please don't be alarmed; today's portmanteau will show up later this evening. This post is simply a functional update on the behind-the-scenes goings-on here at the Portmanteau of the Day international offices.

The overwhelming success Portmanteau of the Day has seen in its inaugural three weeks is far from surprising. However, that incontestable fact notwithstanding, I was unprepared for the workload of it all, which is to blame for the interruptions in service. So I'm taking steps to resolve them and add other user-friendly morsels to the Portmanteau of the Day experience.

Kindly pardon our detritus over the coming weeks as we toil selflessly to bring you the following.

• Staff additions
• More engaging content
• Greater reader interactivity
• An improved business model

Your patience and continued fealty are appreciated.

Nate Winter

mathlete

Origin:
math + athlete = mathlete

Definition:
n. one who excels in mathematical ability

Exemplum:
Having studied calculus three years before any of his peers, Adam was Marmion Academy's first-choice mathlete for the academic decathlon.

Commentary:
Today's term is another installment of the oxymoronic portmanteau. This one especially tickles the cerebral funny bone for me because it harkens back to the timeless high school chasm between nerds and jocks-- a chasm which "mathlete" attempts to bridge. And fails-- miserably and hilariously.

"Mathlete" itself just smacks of a feeble, nerdly attempt to identify with the abilities and popularity of jocks. It's possible that this term has been used in television or film, but I've never encountered it in such ways. Which is surprising because I find its connotations to be irrefutably cinematic. The projector of the mind brings immediately to light an out-of-touch mother's futile attempt to reassure her nerdy son that he's cool in some alternative universe. It's just a smart, delightful, little way to poke fun at nerdliness, an activity in which everyone should engage any time the inclination arises.

Credit:
Anonymous (term), Nate Winter (the rest)

wisdumb

Origin:
wisdom + dumb = wisdumb

Definition:
n. a phrase or comment intended as an astute observation, that actually reveals unintelligence

Exemplum:
Emily's Yogi Tea revealed the words of wisdumb "Trust is the infinity of your soul," leaving us parched and craving the New Yorker.

Commentary:
Yet another entry in the oxymoronic portmanteau category. And this one has far more noble origins than frenemy. Which is to say, the source of its coinage is unknown. But it expresses an all-too familiar condition: the person who professes to be more intelligent than he or she truly is. The phenomenon as been documented by Shakespeare ("This above all: to thine own self be true"), The Simpsons ("They have the internet on computers now.") and clearly Yogi Tea, among others.

My father once saw an advertisement for Cartier timepieces in which "wisdom" was spelled "widsom." This regrettable exemplum is the meta-prototypical epitome of wisdumb-- having inadvertently advertisingly spelled "wisdom" incorrectly. He and I checked the time on our meticulously synchronized Patek Philippes, and had a hearty intergenerational rollick of it.

Credit:
Anonymous (term), Nate Winter (the rest)

frenemy

Origin:
friend + enemy = frenemy

Definition:
n. a person who acts outwardly friendly to someone he or she truly despises

Exemplum:
Despite their seemingly cordial rapport, Justin and Richard were life-long frenemies, a status that made everyone on the polo field uneasy.

Commentary:
Again, the origin of today's term is sincerely horrid. I'm told it hails from MTV's The Hills and was coined to describe the relationship between characters Heidi Montag Pratt and Lauren Conrad. Language lacks the depth and nuance to express the annoyance, ennui and white collar rage I feel based on the fact that these two are associated with the coinage of such a formidable portmanteau.

I'd much prefer a connotation with characters Lucille Bluth and Lucille Ostero from Fox's golden-headed step-child Arrested Development. Their frenemyship ebbed and flowed so delectably across three ill-fated seasons. Alas, I digress.

While frenemy's pedigree use is eternally regrettable, it is indeed a fascinatingly apt term. It also illustrates another nascent trend in today's portmanteaux-- the oxymoron.

By nature, the oxymoron is quizzical. Why would two opposites ever be used together to even necessitate the word oxymoron? And yet the oxymoronism of the friend/enemy dichotomy is alive and well.

But then to take these unlikely bedfellows and force them to share a single word is a stroke of tender, supple genius. Doesn't it just make you want to lay back against your burled walnut headboard a smoke a cigarette? Simply amazing.

Kindly expect a few more neologisms from the oxymoron category in the coming days.

Credit:
Idiots from Cali (term), Nate Winter (the rest)

Brangelina

Origin:
Brad Pitt + Angelina Jolie = Brangelina

Definition:
n. celebrity couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

Exemplum:
BRANGELINA ON THE ROCKS?!
Brad eschews family, pees alone in African clean water supply

Commentary:
Admittedly, today's term is well known amongst even the most cursory attendants of celebrity "culture." So it's not particularly novel in itself, but noteworthy rather as the most visible example in a growing category of celebrity couple portmanteaux. Other examples include:

• TomKat (Tom Cruise + Katie Holmes)
• Beniffer (Ben Affleck + Jennifer Lopez)*
• Speidi (Spencer Pratt + Heidi Montag Pratt)

As trivial and eye-gouge inducing as it might be, the celebrity couple portmanteau is a rare growth category for our favorite linguistic phenomenon. Its popularity lies, presumably, in the fusion of convenience, cleverness and most importantly irreverence. Because what could be more shallowly rewarding than promoting vapid, talentless performers to the status of deity and then bearing witness to their own inevitable undoing while pointing and laughing? Then everybody wins, even the lowly portmanteau I suppose.

I opine that the portmanteau has far more honorable and triumphant uses than the hoi polloi's disposable celebrity star gazing. However, it sits to reason that lady portmanteau will perpetually remain the master of those who use her most. Hence, this blog and its mission to help the literati to regain control of the universe. Amen.

Credit:
unknown (term), Nate Winter (the rest)

* Curiously, this same portmanteau didn't apply to Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. They were branded with the ill-fated and expectoratiously cacophonous "Garfleck." Although in retrospect, the aesthetic effect is appropriate for their popularity.

sext

Origin:
sex + text message = sext

Definition:
n. an SMS text message containing sexual content

v. (used without object) to send an SMS text message containing sexual content

Exemplum:
Having been grounded by Master and Mrs. Vandetramp, young Anthony sexted Bianca to coax a touch of excitement out of an otherwise unstimulating evening at home.

Commentary:
As you've undoubtedly perceived, Portmanteau of the Day is on a techno streak. Blackberriphernalia and texterity were fun warm ups, but sexting represents the dark, hot, juicy, barely legal underbelly of it all.

Sad truth: without access to the backseat of a Chevy Impala, today's teens use sexting to explore sexuality while minimizing the risk of parental interruption. It's an unfortunate allegory for the way technology has made face-to-face interaction more difficult for today's youth. Innocent recreational sex used to be such an easy mistake to stumble upon, but with sexting the beauty of a regrettable, blacked-out sex act is abstracted into a series of seemingly intimate abbreviations and emoticons. It seems we're just another step closer to making love with robots, which represents the end of physical intimacy and the beginning of much sexier robots.

Credit:
GQ (term), Nate Winter (the rest)

texterity

Origin:
text + dexterity = texterity

Definition:
n.
1. a skill with typing and sending text messages quickly and accurately.
2. a skill or adroitness with words in general. Eloquence.

Exemplum:
As SMS messages became Marshall's primary means of communication, he developed a texterity that was impressively efficient, prolific and utterly inapplicable to useful pursuits.

Commentary:
Today's term offers two viscerally pleasing definitions. The first is smart, but not lofty, and highly specific, making it ideal for the practical perfunctorism of the everyday. Whereas our second definition offers an exponentially delicious realm of possibility.

The hinge between these definitions is the concept of dexterity. In our first definition it's physical, manual dexterity. In our second is metaphorical and intellectual. And it's that duality which forges the irresistible juxtapositional irony of these two definitions-- the first almost certainly precludes the second.

That is to say, the kickapoo-joy-juice-guzzling youngsters capable of texting at break-knuckle speed are among the least likely candidates to be legitimately verbally adept. Perhaps it's their narrow understanding of or concern for vocabulary that allows them to select quickly from the same bank of 200 vapid, abbreviated words text after text. And if you think that's a harbinger of the complete devolution of intellectualism, try actually speaking to one of them! You'd be less underwhelmed by a mute quadriplegic using a sock puppet.

But regardless of reason, texterity's two meanings are without doubt polarly diverse and yet equally intuitive and relevant. Neological phenomena that so tickle the mind and effervesce the soul are chanced upon seldom, my friends. Savor them until your last breath.

Credit:
texterity.com (term), Nate Winter (the rest)

Blackberriphernalia

Origin:
Blackberry + paraphernalia = Blackberriphernalia

Definition:
n. accessories or other accoutrements for a Blackberry phone

Exemplum:
A new wireless headset was the latest addition to Claire's collection of Blackberriphernalia. However it did little to improve her caustic personality and frightfully awkward conversational skills.

Commentary:
Today's term satisfies one's craving for a portmanteau that's septisyllabic while remaining easily enunciated, inspiringly intuitive and adhesively memorable. And it addresses the cultural phenomenon of mobile technology accessorization in a way that's direct yet still upbeat. Bravo. (Clap.......clap.......clap.) Bra.......(clap......clap).....vo.

And please note how it relieves our desire for a clever term while taking the high road of refinement and aural aesthetics, beyond the ubiquitously abrasive "crackberry." The house in which I was raised didn't make light of its pesky addiction problems with half-heartedly sarcastic, low-brow neologisms. We addressed our addictions head-on with day-long drinking and smoking binges and snippy passive aggressive commentary on the veranda. And we turned out fine. Except for Claire, of course.

And if smartphone overuse is truly your vice, I'm sure there's an app for that (on the iPhone, anyway).

Credit:
Will Seibold

invAsian

Origin:
invasion + Asian = invAsian

Definition:
n. a sudden influx of Asian people, or facets or objects of Asian culture

Exemplum:
The impromptu visit of two supremely loquacious, volume-impaired, Skype-enabled Korean females was an invAsian of home and a threat to tolerance.

Commentary:
While today's exemplum on the rocks comes with a bittersweet twist of verité, let's be clear: a sudden influx of something Asian isn't inherently negative. So let's not play the race card unnecessarily. "InvAsian" can be used in a positive sense. But when the Mrs. plays week-long hostess to her under-achieving graduate school posse of ne'er-do-wells, a man has few other options.

Please note that today's portmanteau is far more effective in writing than in speech, where it's a homophone of "invasion." Even in writing the spellings are highly similar. To draw attention to the portmanteau (and for reasons of political correctness), I've chosen to capitalize the "A"-- invAsian. It's a small distinction, but it can mean the difference between confusion and a monsoon of praise over an expertly cultured portmanteau.

In speech, this one is testy. Attempt to emphasize the "Asian" part of it, but don't expect universal reception. Let's face it: not all portmanteaux are created equal. And this one falls short in the speech category. It's a known known.

Credit:
Nate Winter

leopardy

Origin:
leopard + jeopardy = leopardy

Definition:
n. a hazardous or dangerous situation created by the threat or presence of a leopard.

Exemplum:
As Dr. Pantalco Ambrozino stalked through the African savanna, rifle in hand, he heard two distinct growls from behind him. The predator had become the prey; he was in double leopardy.

Commentary:
True story: Dr. Pantalco Ambrozino is a real, flesh-and-blood colleague of mine who emerged from the above situation not only alive, but with two leopards for the wall of his den, one story for the ages and, lest we forget, one awe-inspiring portmanteau exemplum.

Kindly note the impressive impact of the phrase "double leopardy." It offers additional context for the portmanteau, making it more easily understood, while offering a usage experience that's savory and ambrosial for all parties.

It has been suggested that today's portmanteau could also be used to express difficulty with Apple computer's popular Leopard operating system. Sigh. If such a sophomoronic supposition actually required a rebuttal, I'd argue that Apple products are notorious for their reliability from the hassles that would categorize a state of technological "leopardy." I'd also argue that this meaning completely emasculates the unbridled viscerality of the eternal showdown between man and beast, and that anyone suggesting an alternate meaning is a far less dangerous type of feline (*cough*total*pussy*cough*).

Ultimately the portmanteau fans of the world are free to do as they like. But I'll close with this advice: if and when you use today's term, know your surroundings and use it well. You'd hate to have your inferior usage brought to light in a socially crippling situation-- leopardy jeopardy.

Credit:
Nate Winter

keyosk

Origin:
key + kiosk = keyosk

Definition:
n. the station at the hardware store or locksmithe shoppe that makes and copies keys.

Exemplum:
"Since my keys no longer work, due to madame Suzette's unexpected ambition to change the locks in my absence, Hector will pay a visit to the keyosk for my new set."

Commentary:
Here's a fetching example of how a clever portmanteau can brighten one's gloomy spirits by bringing splashes of class and delight to even the most quotidian of tasks. Today's term and others like it inspire tantalizing opportunities to assert your intellectual dominance through confusion and condescension. So use them often!

With consideration to the fact that today's term is a homophone of "kiosk," it may be necessary to alter one's pronunciation slightly when using "keyosk" in speech. This will act as a verbal cue to helpstaff and hirelings that you're using a new term and not simply saying "kiosk." I suggest elongating the first syllable, as in this phonetic spelling: keeeeeeeey-osk. It may also be helpful to gesture with your hands as if holding a house key or even the key to your own bedroom and turning it in a lock. These emphases, in addition to context clues, should make your admirable portmanteau usage abundantly clear to even the densest of personal attendants.

Credit:
Nate Winter

Wintern

Origin:
Nate Winter + intern = Wintern

Definition:
n. a professional intern or apprentice to Nate Winter

Exemplum:
Nasty Nate and the Winterns were a copywriting tour de force and a family band that toured de country.

Commentary:
As those lacking in means and ambition are wont to proclaim, necessity is the mother of invention (although Billy Mays gave her a run for the title). At ye olde daye job, there was confusion between the novitiates who swore oathes of fealty unto me, and the other interns. And with this need to differentiate the average, forgettable, incontinent agency intern from my own, a portmanteau for the ages was born-- Wintern.

While I try to maintain a professional distance between my career and my more pedestrian authorship (like this blog*), some opportunities for intersection (Wintersection?) are too seductive to leave in their stubbornly separate loveless bedroom down the hall-- today's term being one of them.

Credit:
Nate Winter

* which happens to be another great portmanteau. "Blog" combines "web" and "log" and then lazily truncates the first two letters.

utilitubby

Origin:
utility + tub + tubby = utilitubby

Definition:
n. an infant that must be bathed in a utility sink because it is too fat to bathe in the kitchen sink.

Exemplum:
Aunt Rose down in Louisiana occasionally cares for a couple of bona fide utilitubbies-- they're cute, but quite the handful. More than handfuls, actually.

Commentary:
Today's term illustrates a fascinating phenomenon known as the meta portmanteau. Years ago "utility" + "tub" became "utilitub," a regrettably functional, albeit hopelessly perfunctory portmanteau. Today, we combine that portmanteau with "tubby" to form a three-way meta portmanteau. I hope the gratification you feel runs as deeply as mine does.

Politically speaking, "utilitubby" is also a comment on childhood obesity and America's lower class that perpetuates it. If a baby is too fat to bathe in the kitchen sink, it's parents doomed it to lifewide obesity long before it was even born. That's just fat-out shameful. And in 10 years or so brave old Uncle Sam will have to swoop in with Medicare to cover the insulin shots, and it's all downhill from there. Childhood obesity is a big problem, so do your part to increase awareness of it and shame surrounding it by using today's term whenever possible.

Credit:
Nate Winter

Haastyle

Origin:
Nick Haas + style = Haastyle

Definition:
n. the aggressive artistic style of Nick Haas.

Exemplum:
With a new Furniture Art line and a feature article in Chicago Social, Nick and Nate were poised for a Haastyle takeover of Chicago.

Commentary:
Today's term tickles the imagination as both a splendid portmanteau and a profoundly satisfying homophone. It combines the last name of Chicago artist Nick Haas with the aptly art-related word "style." So far so good, yes? But the meaning takes us a step further by summoning the homophone "hostile," which speaks to the aggressive, urban tone of Haas's art. The exemplum above illustrates to great effect an especially advantageous play on this homophone with "Haastyle takeover," expressing the unbridled ambition and heretofore unseen entrepreneurial acumen of these up-and-comers.

While this term's proper noun status impedes its use in a variety of everyday situations, it is a strong term identifying a brand and a business that may yet become a household name.

Credit:
Nick Haas (Haastyle), Marian Haas (Haastyle takeover)

scoroscope

Origin:
score + horoscope = scoroscope

Definition:
n. An astrological horoscope focusing on sex (i.e. "scoring").

Exemplum:
Dirk Longball's scoroscope called for a titillating run-in at the gym or grocery store with a 30% chance of blondes. Lots of blondes.

Commentary:
Scoroscope is a formidable term for daily use, especially for the lobotomized humunculi who divine even the most remote value from such astro-illogical tripe. "Scoroscope" is also functional as a comment on the hypersexualization of our American "culture." Today's term is best used to segue into a tirade about the liberal media's prostitution of a once-free nation with the pandemic of European "values." Please use it accordingly.

Credit:
Nate Winter (scoroscope), Sue Duffy (Dirk Longball)

puke-alyptus

Origin:
puke + eucalyptus = puke-alyptus

Definition:
n. The smell or taste of eucalyptus so intense that it induces nausea.

Exemplum:
Crimson Lounge was thick with the heat of jiggling softbodies and the stench of puke-alyptus, causing Nate to vomit on a urinal and stumble from the club prematurely.

Commentary:
While this portmanteau refers specifically to hyper-intense eucalyptus, it serves merely as an example. At its core, this term effuses the idea that there can be too much of a good thing. Thus, "puke-alyptus" can refer metaphorically to a sickening overabundance of anything positive. Please feel free to use it accordingly.

Credit:
Nate Winter

sophomoronic

Origin:
sophomoric + moronic = sophomoronic

Definition:
adj. of or pertaining to someone who is overconfident and immature, but also unintelligent.

Exemplum:
Rashad's black-tie bachelor party is certain to be influenced by the sophomoronic informality of a few overly intoxicated rakes.

Other forms:
sophomoron (n.)

Commentary:
It has been suggested that combining "sophomoric" and "moronic" is unnecessary because of the similarity between these terms. However, I contend that while the terms are easily related, they are not synonyms. Thus combining the two is not, in fact, redundant. Instead, I think their combination brings far more emphasis and nuance to a description than either term would on its own.

Credit:
Nate Winter