utilitubby

Origin:
utility + tub + tubby = utilitubby

Definition:
n. an infant that must be bathed in a utility sink because it is too fat to bathe in the kitchen sink.

Exemplum:
Aunt Rose down in Louisiana occasionally cares for a couple of bona fide utilitubbies-- they're cute, but quite the handful. More than handfuls, actually.

Commentary:
Today's term illustrates a fascinating phenomenon known as the meta portmanteau. Years ago "utility" + "tub" became "utilitub," a regrettably functional, albeit hopelessly perfunctory portmanteau. Today, we combine that portmanteau with "tubby" to form a three-way meta portmanteau. I hope the gratification you feel runs as deeply as mine does.

Politically speaking, "utilitubby" is also a comment on childhood obesity and America's lower class that perpetuates it. If a baby is too fat to bathe in the kitchen sink, it's parents doomed it to lifewide obesity long before it was even born. That's just fat-out shameful. And in 10 years or so brave old Uncle Sam will have to swoop in with Medicare to cover the insulin shots, and it's all downhill from there. Childhood obesity is a big problem, so do your part to increase awareness of it and shame surrounding it by using today's term whenever possible.

Credit:
Nate Winter